How to move on after a separation
Often, the separation itself is the painful process of deciding that two members of a couple can no longer walk the same path. It’s hard because of emotional attachment, though once the individual realizes the opportunities afforded by separation, it’s easier to move onwards. There are no longer the arguments, no longer having to bend to please another human being. If anything, after the separation takes place, a moment of discovery happens when people actually realize that there are benefits to being single. The tides of change are about to happen. You can either sink with the tide, or enjoy the ride.
Leaving heart wrenching decision until later.
Your priority in life now is to look forward. If there is no pressing reason for a divorce, why face the misery when you don’t have to during the course of getting used to being alone? If your ex partner is not pushing you toward the divorce courts leave the decision until you are stronger and look forward to your new life, without added distractions. If there are children involved, you will need to make any arrangements necessary regarding access to children. If this can be done amicably between yourselves this is even better, since the children see the harmony of the two grown ups they have come to depend upon.
Start to discover you.
Are you in a job you like? Does your lifestyle suit you? What changes would you have made had you the choice in the past? Often people forget that being alone means that we have an opportunity to address missed chances at reaching our own levels of comfort. Look at your life. How much of it was defined by your partner? How much of it was your choice? Now you can address any inequality and start to look for things which make you happy. Discover who YOU are and start to enjoy doing the things you do.
After having shared financial commitments with another person, this may take some sorting out. Work out how much you need to earn per month in order to retain the lifestyle you need. It’s vital that this is done in the early stages, since you may find the burden hard if not budgeted for. Add up what the bills cost over the course of a year, and then divide this by 12. Look for things in your life which can be done away with. Look for economies which make sense to your wellbeing. Often things people commit to as a couple are not the same as those committed to as a single person. Be aware of your commitments and make these manageable.
Minimize your ex partner’s influence.
Often when there are children involved, the ex partner seems to be forever present. It hurts or it can. If you use the children as a tool against your ex partner, this makes life much harder for you and for them. Let go, and realize that this is it. You are on your own, and that no matter what the differences between you and your ex, the children need stability. Let them love you and your ex partner, but make sure that your ex partner is not too present in your new life. If it is inconvenient that you talk to them, let them know this. They have chosen to live a separate life. Live yours, and act within acceptable parameters, keeping in mind that children are very affected by negativity.
Weigh up your options.
Look at the things you want to do in your life, and look into the feasibility. If these mean that you have to move to another place, plan it to take into account personal security and the emotional security of the children. If you need to move, let them enjoy being part of the process. Build up new things you do with them, and make this part of your new life.
Start to face life with a smile.
The things which made you unhappy when you were married are in the past. Learn from them. Ask yourself why you let yourself do things you didn’t like. Often partners bend who they are to please the other partner. Now you can wake up each morning and make your own decisions. A little bit of rebellion does you the world of good. If a partner demanded food at a set time, be rebellious and change your routine just because you want to. If you had to watch horrible programs on TV to please them, give yourself the pleasure of switching channels. If you were ever stopped from doing something because they didn’t want you to, enjoy them. Even if these are small rebellious steps, they lead to believing in yourself and in your right to do things. All of these things bring a smile to your face, and help you to realize that separation isn’t all that bad compared with a relationship on the rocks, helping you to build yourself a new life.