How to show someone you love them

How to show someone you love them

Discovering how another person shows and accepts love

While most people can understand the direct words, «I love you,» there are other ways of showing love that you can gear toward someone’s personality. Dr. Gary Chapman refers to how people show and accept love as a person’s «love language.»

The following are some ideas to try based on different types of love languages.


Step 1

Compliment the person on something that’s important to him or her

Many people go about their day hearing more criticism than words of encouragement and love. Making the effort to say, «I love you,» on a regular basis can have a dramatic effect over time as a relationship grows and develops. Giving compliments—especially in front of other people—can build up the confidence of friends and children.

Step 2

Surprise the person with a gift

This is not so much about the expense of the gift as the thought put behind it. Spontaneous gifts (outside of birthdays, anniversaries, etc.) have an added effect of being unexpected and show the person was on your mind.

Step 3

Write notes or messages

This is a little more indirect, but you can leave messages in common places such as desks, rearview mirrors, etc.

Step 4

Take an interest in what the person enjoys, even if it’s not something you necessarily like

You may have different tastes in sports or movies, but spending quality time together shows your commitment to the relationship. In turn, that person may also end up spending time with you on activities you enjoy.

Step 5


We live in a world where distractions are everywhere, and a lot of things can fight for your attention in a relationship. Taking the time to really listen to the other person is important and shows that you care.

Step 6

Do something around the house to free up the person’s time

If the person usually doesn’t have a lot of free time, taking some of the burden off can be a welcomed relief.

Step 7

Display actions of physical touch

This encompasses not only physical intimacy in romantic relationships but also hugs and any gesture of physical affection.

Step 8

Be consistent with your promises

If you make a promise to someone, do everything you can to keep it. Otherwise, explain why you can’t make the promise from the beginning. This builds trust and dependability in relationships.

Step 9

Be forgiving

People are not perfect. If someone you love is genuine with an apology and regrets a mistake made against you, be open to forgiveness within reason.

Things Needed
• A relationship with someone you love
• The desire to show love in a way that person accepts the best

Tips & Warnings
• People tend to reveal how they best accept love by how they treat other people. For example, a person who enjoys receiving gifts tends to give them more often, while a person who enjoys acts of service tends to serve the people they love more often.
• Misunderstandings can occur when the kind of love being given doesn’t match with what the other person accepts as a gesture of love—or if a behavior goes against what the person sees as love.


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