How to make your ex jealous
It’s a truly immature concept, there will be no arguments from me. The mature adult simply accepts that their relationship is over, and takes strides towards moving on from the whole ordeal. The reality is, however, that sometimes no matter how old we are, the break up is simply not mature. Maybe he cheated, maybe she lied, maybe the circumstances surrounding the demise of your once cherished union were cold hearted, callous and down right wrong. In these rare but specific cases, one feels best suited to just plain get even. And in doing so, here is your best bets at satisfaction:
Method #1: The Cold Shoulder
When using the cold shoulder method it is drastically important that you tread lightly. Making sure that it’s not obvious that you are in fact ignoring your ex. This method works best for the ex that is still trying to be friendly. The ‘no hard feelings’ ex, as I like to call it. The best way to be seemingly non-chelaunt is to answer the phone at least once every other day. Be cheerful and up beat without even a hint of an attitude. Now, check the clock, and make sure that you keep the conversation under 30 seconds. Listen for a second and see what they want, even initiate a little small talk yourself. Go ahead chew the fat, but as soon as the clock hits 30 seconds make sure you interrupt (if he or she is still speaking) and let them know you were on your way out the door, or headed somewhere important. What message is this sending? That they were important enough to answer the phone for, but not important to pay too much attention to. This method is like Chinese water torture. At first, it goes un noticed, but after a good week or two; they’ll be going crazy wondering why the steady change of pace all the sudden.
Method #2: The Scent of Replacement
You don’t have to say much to drop hints that your seeing someone new. The mere absence of detail allures people to believe that a private affair ensues. Nothing wrong with spreading a few rumors about yourself that you may or may not be interested in someone new. Tell a friend to tell a friend, mention going somewhere with a "friend" to your ex; the perfect excuse for getting off the phone for the above method. This makes them feel slighted, as the spotlight (which was on them for whatever wrong they did) is now shown on someone who, supposedly, is treating you RIGHT.
Method #3: The Stella Dallas
I call this the Stella Dallas after one of my favorite characters in movies. Barbara Stanwick played a mother with an Stanwick played a mother with an overwhelming need for attention. So she overdressed for absolutely every occasion. Of course her approach was a bit tacky, but the point remains the same. Looking your best is for you, looking drop dead gorgeous (or handsome) is for THEM. If you even THINK you MAY run into your ex, make sure and pull all the stops. Do your hair the way he liked it, wear that shirt she bought for you, spritz on the perfume or cologne you wore when you dated (scent being the strongest call to memory).
Check the mirror twice before leaving the house, and if and when the run-in occurs; smile, be polite and act as casual as you can possibly manage.
Method #4: The Something Came up
My favorite method of all happens (of course) to be the most scandalous. The cold-hearted flake. Go ahead give them a call, blow their heads up for a moment and tell them you miss them. That you want to see them even just as friends. Make a casual date for coffee or lunch, set a time that is at least a week away to give them plenty of time to anticipate. They’re thinking your going to come crawling back, that you forgive them, that you’ve reconsidered. Keep it cordial all the way up to the night before. Just when they’ve settled in their minds that they have you where they want you; make the call. Sound inconsolably apologetic that unfortunately something came up and you can’t make it. Tell them you’ll give them a call to reschedule, and conveniently forget to do so. This is a sure fire way to make a dirty ex feel dissed.
No one said breaking up was easy, and no one said it had to be a mature agreement between two adults. The most important thing when your pride is hurt, is to get the last laugh. So you can walk way with your dignity and the overwhelming sense that you will be sorely missed.
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