How to deal with unrequited love

Dealing with a broken heart

Have you ever felt so in love, but so disappointed because you were not loved back? It’s like a little piece of your heart has been chipped away. Unrequited love is almost a rejection of who you are and hurts self esteem more than many aspects of day to day life. If you love them so much, why can’t they love you back? If you are willing to give them everything you are, why isn’t it enough? It’s soul destroying knowing that you don’t measure up to what they are looking for especially if your love is ardent and sincere.


Step 1

Assess the situation.

When someone you feel you love shows no interest in you, you have to examine the situation. You can’t make someone love you. So how can you move forward with the disappointment of knowing that your love is being rejected? It’s a very hard situation to face, but you have little choice. Many people think that there must be something wrong with them because of a situation like this. Truth be told, not everyone is attracted to others for the same reasons. Perhaps they think of you as a friend more than as a lover. Perhaps they already have their eyes on someone else. Assessing the situation is vital, since this gives you a clearer picture of why they don’t love you. Write down your thoughts and look over them, but never think you can change who you are. You cannot, and that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong.

Step 2

Keep a friendship?

If they are a friend, do you want to keep their friendship? The answer to this one lies in how you have reacted to their lack of love. Does it hurt you every time you see them, or can you accept that friendship is all they can offer. If it hurts too much, you are asking for more pain by continuing the friendship and a split would be good for you. They say that if you let a butterfly go and give it its freedom, if it chooses never to return then that is the butterfly’s choice. If it does return, fresh beginnings are possible. Better to let go of any relationship which hurts you, because you cannot move forward with a negative mindset, and their presence will always remind you that you somehow could not win their love.

Step 3

Think about you.

It’s hard to think of your own needs, but you really do need to. When your self esteem gets hit, you need to find distractions which make you feel good about yourself. Often people with self esteem issues turn inwards and do not seek ways to feel more positive about who they are. You do need to write that person off to experience, and be able to move forward. Dwelling on unrequited love is unhealthy and doesn’t help you get beyond it. Treat yourself to things to do which you enjoy and which you know you are good at. Enjoy the company of friends without basking in being miserable. You need positive interaction to counteract that awful feeling of rejection.

Step 4

Move beyond it.

You will get to a time when you are comfortable thinking about the mistake you made loving someone who was not prepared to love you back. When that stage is reached, you will be able to find someone else, though the mistake you made involves falling in love with the idea of love, more than falling in love during the development of a relationship. Let relationships start slowly. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve, and learn to put on the brakes when things move too fast, to help you and potential boyfriends/girlfriends getting hurt the way you did.

Step 5

Gaining compassion.

One of the greatest things which people who experience unrequited love experience is knowing compassion for those less fortunate than themselves. This builds you are a human being, and a very beautiful one who can empathize and be a great friend to someone who needs you to be. Going through a horrid experience such as this teaches you how other people feel, and lets you know that you have an awful lot of understanding and love to give to those who actually deserve it. This is the basis of all human interaction, and a worthwhile result of growing through the process to become a more understanding person. It does happen. It just takes time.

You will Need
• To learn to accept.
• To learn that it isn’t you who is wrong.
• To learn that life does go on.
• To learn to love yourself again and to disdainfully accept that someone who doesn’t love you back isn’t good enough to waste your love on.

Tips & Warnings
• Don’t ever think you can change someone who doesn’t love you. Chances are, if you did, then it would be temporary. You cannot make people love you. If they don’t love you on their own, let them go, as these are the beasts which will haunt you.


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